I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
