I hate all girls vehemently.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
