put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
