It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
