Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
