Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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