She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
