In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
