he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I just gargled with NyQuil
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
