pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
