Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
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