Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
