If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
