...so i touched it.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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