we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
