At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
