Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
