I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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