she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
It's blow job season.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
