we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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