Plan B is the new Plan A
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
