Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
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