youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
