; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
