he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
