I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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