2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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