So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
