I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
