If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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