I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
