Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
