So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Randomize
