No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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