That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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