I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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