I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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