was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Semen is not good for contacts.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
