Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
