My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
