Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
i drank out of a bidet.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
