i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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