I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
