Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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