how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
