The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
