you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
