..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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