you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
My feet surprised me
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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