Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
