The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
