I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
You made out with two different species that night
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
