haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Randomize
